& Again im left heartbroken.

basically my heart is in a million peices. & im giving up loving you. I can tell you i hate you but ima always LOVE you. You dont see how much pain im going through. there is nobody else that has EVER made me feel the way you have. Where did we lose our way. & i know i just need one chance to prove it all to you. Ill never love anyone the way i love you. So many nights i cry myself to sleep wondering why ill NEVER be good enough? What happened to our friendship. I then open my eyes to face reality. Its all my fault. I dont see what i did. I just wanted to give you my everything & in the process i pushed away. So tell me how to get things back to how they used to be please. You are seriously like my angel. you make everything go away just by hearing your voice. I seriously didnt give you my heart on purpose I dont even know why i did it. I guess i just got this trust in you. That doesnt come easy but for you it did. You say you love me. You say i make you happy. Attitude says different. I never meant to let myselt get so attached. I tried to stay away from being in love with you but it just wasnt working. there is something about you. Have you ever felt like the person you love is with the WRONG person but you want them to find happiness even if it isnt with you? I dont wanna try anymore. Its not that i dont want too. I cant. It hurts so much to know that im wasting my time. i love you to fucking death. Does that not mean shit to you? So tell me whats the point when all im doing is fucking up our friendship that is rarely there now. I have to face reality. After all this i really want you to know im sorry I just want my bestfriend back. I think abotu how many times i say goodbye & i ask myself am i really forreal this time? I think so. no wait rethinking ugh. dont you get it yet? Everyone is telling me to jus let it go. but its not that easy. I mean its as easy as i make it. so is it that i just dont wana let do? idk ugh. Its like you've walked out of my life but i cant get you outta my mind. : I seriously feel like im just a waste of space in your life. I feel like i need you in my life in some way or another. So bae come home? please? ill do anything for shit to be normal again. I love you pookapuff. Cant we just sit down & work things out? I know i say foolish things but cant you just forget about it? I want you back : Something about you puts me in a place i cant explain. im your friend but i wanna be more. please i just want you to understand that i wanna more then just your friend. I know you got females on you i just wish i could tell them to leave you alone honestly. I never told you to leave anybody for me. i just want you to see that i DO want you to be happy. even if its not with me. I compare everyone to you. everyone i go with; & noone seems to make the cut like you do. ugh. Where do we go from here? You & me would be untouchable. We would have a perfect relationship : how did we fall apart ugh. This is such a twisted situation. I try to fight this. ugh the feelings i have for you its not easy : I try to give up then you become sweet & then i wanna stay : I guess you will just never let me love you the way i want too. I cry after we get off the phone even if we had a GOOD conversation because i know you will NEVER hear what i ALWAYS plan on telling you. So many times you leave me so confused. i just cant stop loving you though. i always beat myself up wondering if i should just leave completely. You are my everything weather you are my friend; girlfriend; whatever you want to be. you still are my everything. & it hurts that youa ct the way you've been acting. I just wanna make you happy. i just wanna know you are smiling. i just want you to love me the way i love you : Baby im seriously tired of crying. Seems like thats all i do because you are ALWAYS on my mind. Baby tell me what you really wanna do. Its like im in love with you & it doesnt mean shit to you at all. I know i do & say stupid things, but like i hope it doesnt reflect on the way i feel about you. Cause i think i only do those stupid things because im scared that you are seriously going to walk outta my life completely. The way we are now kills me. We used to talk about anything & everything. What happened? I miss you. I miss the way we used to be. ugh. am i really that bad of a person? Am i really that bad to the point where ill never get what i want? When we talk i try to sound happy. Cause i am really thinking that your girl has everything that i have to live without. I cant even see anyone else when we talk. you say you in love. but do you know you are ALL i think about? One of the only TWO things that keep me going. When we on the phone can you tell that i try to hold back tears? Your girl is mad lucky. You are perfect pookapuff. So i sit home alone & i turn out the light & try to get my mind off you but it doesnt seem to work. You are amazing. so fucking amazing. i cant name one thing i DONT love about you. Even though it kills me to say im glad you are happy. I shouldnt be concerned but i cant help but question do you ever think about what it would be like if you were with me? I cant explain this feeling ugh. i wish i could. My head keeps telling me to just leave you alone. but my heart says different. but then again you have my heart & you dont even know it. Part of me says my dream to be with you is a lie. Part of me wants to just say fuck it & let it go. Part of me says not to do that cause ill regret it. ugh. Why cant this shit just be easy? Im so torn its not even funny. Im prepared to give up anything & everything just to get back to the way it was. : just tell me please. This isnt the way its supposed to be. i dont need anything because what i did need it seems like ive already lost. So just come back please? Thats all im asking for. I just want you to see how much you mean to me. thats all. i cant stand to see us this way. No matter what im willing to pay the price just to have you in my life. You say that you understand but please let me help you really understand. In my opinion nobody will ever love you the way i do. Dont you see i just dont want you to forget about me. or anything we have. All our goodtimes. Our inside jokes. 09.20.09 : best freaking day ever. What happened to us? All the love i've given i just dont want it to be wasted. Its like youre that air i breathe. i cant let you go. i know its probably the best thing to do but why is that best thing to do the hardest thing ive ever had to do. My world revolves around you & its killing me. ugh. I would do anything to just make you happy. In the way i want to love you. Dont you see? ugh. i love you.